Originally a speech, why its ok to be a dick head sometimes

People are weird; this is boring, why is life so boring, why yes, of course, "stop your pessimistic attitude". No I will not. Every year I sit in the audience of these speech competitions and at least one speech about how I'm supposed to change my life, "be nice, be an optimist, look at things from the bright side". But for some reason I never hear anyone up there disputing for the other side, and I can't stand it. I realized that if I want this done I'm going to have to do it myself so I stand before you today to do this.
Ladies and Gentlemen, fellow contestants, Mr. Raso. If you haven't…